Three and Out – 6/24/08
In an attempt to become mildly amusing, I’m pioneering this semi-blog where I will take three (shock, horror) of the weeks NFL stories and add my own thoughts, musings or just slightly inspirational thoughts, as well as (in theory) a twist of humor. First in the firing line are Javon Walker, Chad “Ocho Stinko” Johnson and Adam “the Cornerback formerly known as Pacman” Jones.
1. Javon Walker found unconscious in the street in Las Vegas – Now, I know the story going round is that Walker got into some kind of altercation with Floyd Mayweather and his posse following some champagne spraying in a Vegas nightclub, but I think we all know the real truth. Following his departure from the club Walker started trash talking with a 60 year old woman and challenged to her to a race. Half way down the course with the woman well ahead, Walker’s knee blew out again and down he went. After several failed attempts to stand up, Walker fell to the floor, banged his head on the street and knocked himself out cold. Of course, he and the Raiders wouldn’t want you to know that, hence the Mayweather ruse.
2. Adam “Pacman” Jones drops the Pacman – Yes, you all know this story by now I’m sure – Pacman is no more. I for one am disappointed by that, since I loved that game as a kid and I think it’s sad that the new generation of children will no longer be able to Pacman as I did. I guess the idea of trying to avoid bad guys and stay away from trouble just isn’t the sort of message we want to be sending out to our children any more, instead games like Grand Theft Auto which teach kids about fighting, guns and dangerous driving are far more important, right Adam?
3. Chad Johnson turns up in Cincinnati for mandatory team activities after all – This was always a given, there was no way Chad was going to risk losing any money, though his item on Bengals.com was quite hilarious. “I acted psycho. I posed my case. I talked with my owner, who loves me dearly. He must,” said Chad, adding “I want a ring. What else can I do? We're going to be in Tampa.” Of course Mike Brown loves Chad, I mean he’s the only reason the Bengals manage to win a football game every now and then. And about that Super Bowl ring you want Chad, may I politely suggest staying at home and playing Madden – it’s the only way the Bengals are getting anywhere near Tampa in 2009. Unless they’re buying tickets of course.
Until next time, you stay classy.
Full Version: Three and Out
QUOTE (cjs206 @ Jun 24 2008, 3:31:16 PM) 
Three and Out – 6/24/08
In an attempt to become mildly amusing, I’m pioneering this semi-blog where I will take three (shock, horror) of the weeks NFL stories and add my own thoughts, musings or just slightly inspirational thoughts, as well as (in theory) a twist of humor. First in the firing line are Javon Walker, Chad “Ocho Stinko” Johnson and Adam “the Cornerback formerly known as Pacman” Jones.
1. Javon Walker found unconscious in the street in Las Vegas – Now, I know the story going round is that Walker got into some kind of altercation with Floyd Mayweather and his posse following some champagne spraying in a Vegas nightclub, but I think we all know the real truth. Following his departure from the club Walker started trash talking with a 60 year old woman and challenged to her to a race. Half way down the course with the woman well ahead, Walker’s knee blew out again and down he went. After several failed attempts to stand up, Walker fell to the floor, banged his head on the street and knocked himself out cold. Of course, he and the Raiders wouldn’t want you to know that, hence the Mayweather ruse.
2. Adam “Pacman” Jones drops the Pacman – Yes, you all know this story by now I’m sure – Pacman is no more. I for one am disappointed by that, since I loved that game as a kid and I think it’s sad that the new generation of children will no longer be able to Pacman as I did. I guess the idea of trying to avoid bad guys and stay away from trouble just isn’t the sort of message we want to be sending out to our children any more, instead games like Grand Theft Auto which teach kids about fighting, guns and dangerous driving are far more important, right Adam?
3. Chad Johnson turns up in Cincinnati for mandatory team activities after all – This was always a given, there was no way Chad was going to risk losing any money, though his item on Bengals.com was quite hilarious. “I acted psycho. I posed my case. I talked with my owner, who loves me dearly. He must,” said Chad, adding “I want a ring. What else can I do? We're going to be in Tampa.” Of course Mike Brown loves Chad, I mean he’s the only reason the Bengals manage to win a football game every now and then. And about that Super Bowl ring you want Chad, may I politely suggest staying at home and playing Madden – it’s the only way the Bengals are getting anywhere near Tampa in 2009. Unless they’re buying tickets of course.
Until next time, you stay classy.
In an attempt to become mildly amusing, I’m pioneering this semi-blog where I will take three (shock, horror) of the weeks NFL stories and add my own thoughts, musings or just slightly inspirational thoughts, as well as (in theory) a twist of humor. First in the firing line are Javon Walker, Chad “Ocho Stinko” Johnson and Adam “the Cornerback formerly known as Pacman” Jones.
1. Javon Walker found unconscious in the street in Las Vegas – Now, I know the story going round is that Walker got into some kind of altercation with Floyd Mayweather and his posse following some champagne spraying in a Vegas nightclub, but I think we all know the real truth. Following his departure from the club Walker started trash talking with a 60 year old woman and challenged to her to a race. Half way down the course with the woman well ahead, Walker’s knee blew out again and down he went. After several failed attempts to stand up, Walker fell to the floor, banged his head on the street and knocked himself out cold. Of course, he and the Raiders wouldn’t want you to know that, hence the Mayweather ruse.
2. Adam “Pacman” Jones drops the Pacman – Yes, you all know this story by now I’m sure – Pacman is no more. I for one am disappointed by that, since I loved that game as a kid and I think it’s sad that the new generation of children will no longer be able to Pacman as I did. I guess the idea of trying to avoid bad guys and stay away from trouble just isn’t the sort of message we want to be sending out to our children any more, instead games like Grand Theft Auto which teach kids about fighting, guns and dangerous driving are far more important, right Adam?
3. Chad Johnson turns up in Cincinnati for mandatory team activities after all – This was always a given, there was no way Chad was going to risk losing any money, though his item on Bengals.com was quite hilarious. “I acted psycho. I posed my case. I talked with my owner, who loves me dearly. He must,” said Chad, adding “I want a ring. What else can I do? We're going to be in Tampa.” Of course Mike Brown loves Chad, I mean he’s the only reason the Bengals manage to win a football game every now and then. And about that Super Bowl ring you want Chad, may I politely suggest staying at home and playing Madden – it’s the only way the Bengals are getting anywhere near Tampa in 2009. Unless they’re buying tickets of course.
Until next time, you stay classy.
Very amusing! Looking forward to the next one!
Did you see the photo of the guy who they arrested for robbing Walker? He looked like a real weasel of a guy.
QUOTE (bwalker @ Jun 25 2008, 3:05:44 PM)
Did you see the photo of the guy who they arrested for robbing Walker? He looked like a real weasel of a guy.
Its all a cover story -- we all know my version is true!
3 And out HAS to become a part of CDS Radio!!! 
QUOTE (cjs206 @ Jun 25 2008, 3:22:45 PM)
Its all a cover story -- we all know my version is true!
Three and Out – 7/1/08
So, after my failed attempt at being remotely humorous last week I decided to try and do something a little more serious this week. Having seen the amount of money untested rookies like Matt Ryan are getting paid, I realized it was time to don my Superman cape and save the world from Collective Bargaining Agreement hell. Therefore, it is with much pleasure that I give you my three step plan to having a fair and equitable rookie salary cap.
1. 3 year, slotted value contracts – Each rookie will get a 3 year contract, wholly guaranteed and dependent on their draft slot, so the highest picks still get the most money. The amount paid to each draftee is determined prior to the draft by the NFL, so each team knows ahead of draft day how much each slot is going to cost. Having the contracts fully guaranteed means the players will be given an opportunity to prove themselves at the NFL level and work towards their first fully negotiated contract, while making sure the advantages of picking high in the draft are not outweighed by the cost. This would also protect teams from paying millions and millions to a player who is either unmotivated or a bust.
2. Performance related escalator clauses – Each player then has clauses in their contract allowing them to earn more money dependent on achieving both individual and team goals. This would then allow the best players who come out of college and perform well in the NFL to achieve a high level or earnings through their on-field performances. This way the better young players don’t lose out on their earning potential, but the busts do not earn as much as they do under the current system and thus there will be more money available for the proven veterans who have shown they can perform at the NFL level.
3. Ex-post salary cap accounting – Instead of having likely and not likely to be earned incentives, the performance related payments would be accounted for in the salary cap in the following year. This would save on the creativity of the use of not likely to be earned incentives, while it would also help the equality of the NFL. Those teams who had good seasons would carry over incentive payments into the next salary cap year, thus effectively lowering their cap for the next year. This means that the better free agents who want the most money are more likely to go to teams with worse records and help them to improve.
World saved. Implement that and the NFL would be more equitable, more unpredictable, and most importantly the best players would earn the most money but the better rookies would not have to lose out. Can it get better?
Until next time, for your own sake, stay classy!
So, after my failed attempt at being remotely humorous last week I decided to try and do something a little more serious this week. Having seen the amount of money untested rookies like Matt Ryan are getting paid, I realized it was time to don my Superman cape and save the world from Collective Bargaining Agreement hell. Therefore, it is with much pleasure that I give you my three step plan to having a fair and equitable rookie salary cap.
1. 3 year, slotted value contracts – Each rookie will get a 3 year contract, wholly guaranteed and dependent on their draft slot, so the highest picks still get the most money. The amount paid to each draftee is determined prior to the draft by the NFL, so each team knows ahead of draft day how much each slot is going to cost. Having the contracts fully guaranteed means the players will be given an opportunity to prove themselves at the NFL level and work towards their first fully negotiated contract, while making sure the advantages of picking high in the draft are not outweighed by the cost. This would also protect teams from paying millions and millions to a player who is either unmotivated or a bust.
2. Performance related escalator clauses – Each player then has clauses in their contract allowing them to earn more money dependent on achieving both individual and team goals. This would then allow the best players who come out of college and perform well in the NFL to achieve a high level or earnings through their on-field performances. This way the better young players don’t lose out on their earning potential, but the busts do not earn as much as they do under the current system and thus there will be more money available for the proven veterans who have shown they can perform at the NFL level.
3. Ex-post salary cap accounting – Instead of having likely and not likely to be earned incentives, the performance related payments would be accounted for in the salary cap in the following year. This would save on the creativity of the use of not likely to be earned incentives, while it would also help the equality of the NFL. Those teams who had good seasons would carry over incentive payments into the next salary cap year, thus effectively lowering their cap for the next year. This means that the better free agents who want the most money are more likely to go to teams with worse records and help them to improve.
World saved. Implement that and the NFL would be more equitable, more unpredictable, and most importantly the best players would earn the most money but the better rookies would not have to lose out. Can it get better?
Until next time, for your own sake, stay classy!
Three and Out – 7/8/08
After successfully solving the NFL Rookie Salary Cap issue last week (well, nobody came up with a better idea or found any faults in mine), it’s time to go back to what I do best – attempting to be mildly humorous. Among my figures of fun this week are Brett Favre, Donte Whitner and Aqib Talib, all of whom have made significant news in the last 7 days.
1. Panto in July? – Anyone who has ever been to see a pantomime will instantly recognize the following exchange; Person A: “He’s retiring.” Person B: “Oh no he isn’t.” Person A: “Oh yes he is,”…ad infinitum. This is, of course, the on running saga of the great Lord Brett Favre and his retirement (or not, as the case may be). Now don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that Favre is worthy of his place amongst the ultimate elite of all time in the NFL, not just at the quarterback position, but he is in danger of turning himself into a pantomime villain. Following his “retirement” the Packers rightly moved on with reforming their offense around Aaron Rodgers and his abilities and for him to ask the team to change their entire strategy again at this stage would, in opinion, be too much. The Packers need to be allowed to move on and if Favre asks to be reinstated I would be surprised if he plays in Green Bay in 2008.
Incidentally, while others have talked about Chicago, Minnesota and Miami as potential landing spots for Favre if he does return and doesn’t play in Green Bay, one place that doesn’t get mentioned is the only other franchise Brett Favre has known in his distinguished career – the Atlanta Falcons. They don’t exactly fit the mold of a team ready to win now, but returning Favre to the Georgia Dome would allow him to be an instant leader, a mentor to Matt Ryan, and would mean he would still only have ever played for 2 NFL teams. I’m not sure the Falcons would be interested if it involved giving up a draft pick but if Favre was on the free agent market, who knows?
2. Bucs already fighting among themselves – That classy team in Tampa just can’t help themselves can they? First they resign Jerramy Stevens, one of the few people in the world with a list of legal troubles longer than that of Adam Jones (the cornerback formerly known as Pacman). Then they draft two guys who manage to get into a fight with each other at the Rookie Symposium, before refusing to admit that it even took place. Fighting amongst teammates isn’t totally unheard of as anyone with an interest in the English Premier League will tell you (Newcastle’s Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer had an amazing spat a couple of years back), but these two came to blows in a seminar about money, not in the heat of battle.
Nobody has yet come out and said exactly what sparked the two rookies off, but given that a first and a seventh round pick were in a seminar about money you can only speculate that it might have had something to with the much larger amount of money Aqib Talib will be getting in relation to Cory Boyd. Interestingly enough, if the NFL trend sticks here in Tampa I’m willing to bet that come opening weekend Talib is on the Bucs roster while Boyd will have been cut and hung out to dry. Shame really, ‘cause I think everyone would tune in to Bucs games to watch Act II if both were to stay.
3. Preseason guarantees – Donte Whitner might end up being rather glad that the NFL regular season draws to a close around Christmas time, especially if he remembers to put “spade” on his list to Santa because he might just be needing one around then. You see, Whitner has become the latest NFL player to make a guarantee, stating “Do I expect us to make the playoffs? I’m guaranteeing it.” Last year both Jon Kitna and Anthony Smith made “guarantees” and we all know how they turned out, right? Kitna’s Lions fell 30% short of his 10 win guarantee, while Smith’s Steelers became just another statistic in the Patriots perfect regular season.
Guarantees have almost become anti-guarantees, since it now seems almost certain that the Bills will not make the playoffs in 2008 and Whitner will have a bit of a hole to dig himself out of (get the spade reference now?). In fact, I now predict, no, I guarantee that the Bills will not be playing football in January 2009, at least not in the NFL playoffs at any rate.
Until next time, you stay classy.
After successfully solving the NFL Rookie Salary Cap issue last week (well, nobody came up with a better idea or found any faults in mine), it’s time to go back to what I do best – attempting to be mildly humorous. Among my figures of fun this week are Brett Favre, Donte Whitner and Aqib Talib, all of whom have made significant news in the last 7 days.
1. Panto in July? – Anyone who has ever been to see a pantomime will instantly recognize the following exchange; Person A: “He’s retiring.” Person B: “Oh no he isn’t.” Person A: “Oh yes he is,”…ad infinitum. This is, of course, the on running saga of the great Lord Brett Favre and his retirement (or not, as the case may be). Now don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that Favre is worthy of his place amongst the ultimate elite of all time in the NFL, not just at the quarterback position, but he is in danger of turning himself into a pantomime villain. Following his “retirement” the Packers rightly moved on with reforming their offense around Aaron Rodgers and his abilities and for him to ask the team to change their entire strategy again at this stage would, in opinion, be too much. The Packers need to be allowed to move on and if Favre asks to be reinstated I would be surprised if he plays in Green Bay in 2008.
Incidentally, while others have talked about Chicago, Minnesota and Miami as potential landing spots for Favre if he does return and doesn’t play in Green Bay, one place that doesn’t get mentioned is the only other franchise Brett Favre has known in his distinguished career – the Atlanta Falcons. They don’t exactly fit the mold of a team ready to win now, but returning Favre to the Georgia Dome would allow him to be an instant leader, a mentor to Matt Ryan, and would mean he would still only have ever played for 2 NFL teams. I’m not sure the Falcons would be interested if it involved giving up a draft pick but if Favre was on the free agent market, who knows?
2. Bucs already fighting among themselves – That classy team in Tampa just can’t help themselves can they? First they resign Jerramy Stevens, one of the few people in the world with a list of legal troubles longer than that of Adam Jones (the cornerback formerly known as Pacman). Then they draft two guys who manage to get into a fight with each other at the Rookie Symposium, before refusing to admit that it even took place. Fighting amongst teammates isn’t totally unheard of as anyone with an interest in the English Premier League will tell you (Newcastle’s Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer had an amazing spat a couple of years back), but these two came to blows in a seminar about money, not in the heat of battle.
Nobody has yet come out and said exactly what sparked the two rookies off, but given that a first and a seventh round pick were in a seminar about money you can only speculate that it might have had something to with the much larger amount of money Aqib Talib will be getting in relation to Cory Boyd. Interestingly enough, if the NFL trend sticks here in Tampa I’m willing to bet that come opening weekend Talib is on the Bucs roster while Boyd will have been cut and hung out to dry. Shame really, ‘cause I think everyone would tune in to Bucs games to watch Act II if both were to stay.
3. Preseason guarantees – Donte Whitner might end up being rather glad that the NFL regular season draws to a close around Christmas time, especially if he remembers to put “spade” on his list to Santa because he might just be needing one around then. You see, Whitner has become the latest NFL player to make a guarantee, stating “Do I expect us to make the playoffs? I’m guaranteeing it.” Last year both Jon Kitna and Anthony Smith made “guarantees” and we all know how they turned out, right? Kitna’s Lions fell 30% short of his 10 win guarantee, while Smith’s Steelers became just another statistic in the Patriots perfect regular season.
Guarantees have almost become anti-guarantees, since it now seems almost certain that the Bills will not make the playoffs in 2008 and Whitner will have a bit of a hole to dig himself out of (get the spade reference now?). In fact, I now predict, no, I guarantee that the Bills will not be playing football in January 2009, at least not in the NFL playoffs at any rate.
Until next time, you stay classy.
Following on from Donte Whitner's guarantee (see 3 and out above) I've decided to come up with a bit of a competition...The rules are simple:
1. Complete the given phrase in the most way you possibly can.
2. You may enter as many endings as you like.
3. Person who creates the most humorous sentence, wins shedloads of kudos.
So, inspired by the awesome Donte Whitner I give you the following sentence to complete:
"I guarantee..."
1. Complete the given phrase in the most way you possibly can.
2. You may enter as many endings as you like.
3. Person who creates the most humorous sentence, wins shedloads of kudos.
So, inspired by the awesome Donte Whitner I give you the following sentence to complete:
"I guarantee..."
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